This blogger has moved - thanks for your support!

Thanks to everyone who has faithfully read my blogs and often waited for updates that didn't come. I'm *regularly* updating now -- fancy that! -- and I've migrated over to WordPress. So check out the new digs at radicalredneckdiva.wordpress.com!

A necessary PSA after a fight I clearly shouldn't have wasted so much time on:

If you think that you are, or anyone is, entitled to the one-on-one attention of any perfect stranger on the street, even if their body language is in total "leave me alone" mode, for anything other than a true act of kindness such as "Excuse me, you dropped something" or holding a door for them, whether they be male, female, anywhere in between, extraterrestrial humanoid, minor, grown-up, whatever, don't care -- you're not a good person and I don't want to associate with you anymore. Especially if I already specified that it's A-OK if the person is ambling at a relaxed pace and is clearly in an open, engaging state of mind. 

Oh, and stop acting like women can't tell the difference between a simple hello and "hello" with the elevator eyes and *that* tone of voice. We KNOW.

If we have a 45 minute long discussion in which you get more and more heated when I continue asserting that nobody, not even you, precious snowflake, is entitled to anyone else's one-on-one attention on the street, and you say I should not bother because "everyone has problems" or because men are more likely to be physically assaulted than women, so women's defense mechanisms against street harassment are a pathology rather than a conditioned, valuable tool of self preservation, and you say I'm selfishly trying to impose my will on the masses -- I don't want to associate with you.

If I carefully, consistently use gender-neutral language except in cases where it's statistically determined that reported levels of an offense, namely harassment, are higher in instance of male-on-female than vice versa, and you insist that I'm sexist against men and that I don't care about violence and harassment against men, even though I fully acknowledge that harassment of men is a problem albeit statistically one which happens in lower numbers, and I hope that all levels of harassment go down -- Do not let the door hit you in your ass on the way out.

NINE coats? Necessary? Excuse you, Popsugar Fashion.

So um, I saw this nonsense on PopSugar Fashion, and I couldn't go without saying something.

There are certain things I love about the fashion industry. I LOVE to watch runway shows and look at photos of the latest designs. It's nothing short of art that folks can wear. The ingenuity that comes from the human mind, seeing fresh and exciting new patterns and cuts each season, it's so exciting.

Seeing the way people mix up those styles to wear on the street, mixed with low-end trend pieces, DIY remixes of thrifted items, all thrown into personal expression. Like Miuccia Prada famously said, it's a language of expression without saying a word about who you are. It's fabulous on many levels.

 I just also have nearly endless criticisms when the barefaced, desperate nonsense of American-style capitalism gets thrown in.

Look, I'm all about folks making a living, and the apparel industry provides great ways of doing so. But NINE coats as an essential thing? Sorry, no. That's idiotic. That's playing to the worst sides of making a fantastic thing an ugly thing by playing on people's insecurities, and it's the wrong way to move product. Let's take this down.

1) A trench coat. (light jacket - yes, essential)

Waterproof trench, LL Bean, $79.99. Available in khaki, gunmetal gray, and deep red

Heart patterned trench coat, ModCloth, $129.99

This is entirely fair. It's a classic piece, and one can also turn it to a statement piece by selecting a trench in an exciting color and/or print. In emerald green, oxblood, hot pink, or classic khaki, camel, or black, this could be considered an essential piece.

But basically, any light jacket is what I would say goes here. Personally, I'd go with the classic color and make a statement with shoes, sunglasses, or a scarf.

 A packable down jacket is also a viable, versatile option for a light jacket as well, plus -- well -- it's something you can roll up and toss into your purse if the weather gets warmer and you don't want to carry it around.

Packable down jacket, Sam Edelman, $79.99. Available in coral and black.

Packable down jacket, Michael Kors, $169.99.

Packable down jacket, Express, $89.60 currently on sale. Available in black and berry.

 2) A duffel coat. (Not actually essential.)

Black duffel coat, Burberry, $995.00

Ginger duffel coat, ASOS, $142.13, also available in light blue

Patterned duffel coat, Woolrich, $325. Available in black and oatmeal.

OK, this looks cool, but I see no reason to have both this and a peacoat, so I'd say pick one or the other. Both can look polished and professional. 

 3) A parka. (Only essential if you live in Minnesota, Wisconsin, Canada etc)

 Probably entirely necessary if you live in a place where the winters get super cold. In my area of the Midwest, it's good for a couple of months out of the year. Instead of this, though, what I've found works well is to layer my packable down jacket under my classic black peacoat. It's entirely comfortable, and still looks cool and polished.

 4) A peacoat. (Yes, essential.)

Via Spiga peacoat, $198. Available in black, navy, and winter white.

Lambswool peacoat, LL Bean, $199. Available in navy, lapis, red, plum, and teal blue.

Professional, versatile, and it never goes out of style. Much like the trench, you can find one to flatter every body. And it's perfect for layering. Love this classic coat in navy or black, or channel Olivia Pope in white or cream.

 5) A cape. (Not essential.)

This is a want. Plain and simple. They're not a particularly practical item, but they're pretty, and I see why you'd want to have one. Sometimes you get lucky and find one cheap at a thrift or vintage shop, so that's where I'd start if you have a burning wish to buy one and you're on as limited of a budget as I am. However, shame on anyone who says this is a need rather than a want.

 6) A puffer. (Not essential.)

 It's my personal opinion that these things look stupid on just about everyone. Your mileage may vary, of course. Layering the packable down under a sleeker silhouette such as the duffel coat or pea coat brings the same warmth in a more attractive look.

7) A camel coat. (Possibly but not necessarily essential.)

Sure, go ahead. It's a classic. Again, though, this is a want rather than a need, and you can just go with this color in your previously-mentioned pea coat, duffel coat, or trench.

8) A furry coat. (Not essential.)

Want, not a need. I love my faux-leopard jacket. I consider leopard to be a neutral. These can be obtained inexpensively, and they're a lot of fun. You can also be super awesome and get a brightly colored one that looks like you skinned a Muppet.

Faux fur coat, H&M, $168 currently on sale for $99. Available in "I just killed Cookie Monster" blue, black, and mauve.

Cheetah coat, Kohl's, $196.

White faux fur jacket, H&M, $68.

 9) A statement coat. (Not at all essential!)

What part of this is not already possibly covered by getting a furry coat, or a brightly colored trench or pea coat? Why not stick to a classic coat in a classic color instead, and make your statement with an accessory that will only run you between 5 and 30 bucks, rather than a coat that's going to be at least 60 on the low end and only last a season? What in the actual hell, Popsugar? You're daft.

In conclusion, only two to four coats are truly essential. Resourceful fashionistas can mix, match, and make a statement without devoting half the damn closet and hundreds of dollars on the sort of nonsense this type of fashion article peddles. Discernment is downright sexy, folks.

Above all else, buy 2 or 20 coats if that's what you want and if you can afford to do so. It's your life, your style, and your wallet.

A brief meditation on living as a culture of abundance

I know, I'm doing a really bad job of just writing wherever I'm at with the realization that my stuff will never *truly* be "together, and then I'll write regularly, I promise." I have not done the work on this attitude that I should be doing. Maybe things will be different moving forward.

Anyway.

Recently, I went to the People's Climate March. My friend Gretchen bought my bus ticket, so other than buying food, it was entirely free. Otherwise, I could not have gone.

I've been to New York City now! I'm nothing less than purely psyched about this! Even though I was only there for 6 hours after riding 12 to 14 hours each way by bus! And yes, I'm plotting to go back and spend more time there once I can save up.

Other than getting there, lodging, food, and getting back, everything I want to do except for the Met, Kinky Boots, and the FIT museum (and maybe, MAYBE the top of the Empire State Building, because I'm only human and humans get touristy) is free.

I'm getting off track, though.

But maybe not really, because an abundance of free stuff to have and to do is exactly what we're discussing.

I had a long-ish discussion with my new friend Pam, who I met on the bus, about how all this scarcity and poverty of money and goods in America and in the world is totally manufactured. The truth is we as a nation have too much stuff. We're hoarders. We sit on our piles, those of us who have piles, even meager ones, and we watch those who go without, and we say "what can I do, I'm barely even getting by."

And unless you're in the top 10%, you probably really are barely getting by. Some of that's truth, and some of it's the way we've been raised to look at the world all our lives.

Maybe we'll talk about this more soon. But I have a micro-example that just happened.

I was at City Market, and I was sad because the line at Twenty Two Juice was too long to get an acai bowl that I've been craving all week. I only have about 15 minutes to actually get anything at City Market. The walk to and from work is too long to allow for much more.

(It's OK, Twenty Two, I still love you!)

I settled for a pear and a smoothie from Market Street Produce. I didn't know why, but I got three pears. I don't need three pears. I need one or two. These were ripe and juicy enough that expecting the third to last the 3 days it'd probably take to get to it would be pushing things. But I still got three.

And then I made a friend on the way home who I'll probably never see again.

She was pushing her cart, and I was walking back to work, at Market Street and Park Avenue. It was no huge deal, I said hello, she said hello, and I asked if she wanted a pear. She ate it right there. I apologized because it had gotten a little bit bruised in transport. As if prettiness matters if it's a good enough piece of fruit and you eat it fast enough. I regret not getting her name. I hope I see her again. You know how sometimes you can just sense an aura around a person that is good? She had that.

My social Venn diagrams literally run from small-business CEO to homeless train hopper. Eventually you lose the liberal-guilt mess and the savior-complex mess when you just enjoy meeting people and making friends with people. Doing unto others because it would be right and kind whether they have a house to go home to, or whether their home is contained in the shopping cart they're pushing.

 "From each according to his ability, to each according to his need" really shouldn't be that radical of a phrase. It also shouldn't be compulsory to anyone. We just need to re-recognize what enough is.

You don't want to oversimplify an idea, but for now in this brief time, we'll identify just 3 things we need to do:

1) Those of us who can buy or procure more than enough, freely share it. Give it.

2) Challenge institutions that actively refuse or impede doing this. Recognize that it's in Money's best interest, but not ours, to manufacture fake scarcity. Abundance is the truth, and the lie has gone uncalled-out for far too long.

3) Making a living and having some nice things/being nicely dressed is not mutually exclusive from living a culture of abundance. In fact, it's the only shot a lot of us have at getting there.

I suck at blogging consistently, so here are some videos of women being amazing.

So I haven't updated for a while. I actually have reason to be optimistic about this moving forward, since - for the first time in forever (and hopefully you now have that Frozen song stuck in your head) - I actually have internet at my residence. It's been years. The last time I bought internet, I still lived in Vincennes. It's usually prohibitively expensive in Indianapolis if you're on one modest income. But I got a half-off for a year special on U-Verse, so here we are. The plans are to get back up to blogging at least twice a week, pick freelancing back up, and actually log into Duolingo frequently enough to learn something.

It's only Wednesday, but the theme this week seems to be women behaving awesomely. I've picked out 4 videos of musical, mental, and physical achievement that ought to shut up every lying liar who perpetuates that "weaker sex" crap.

Ball girl makes amazing catch: This is actually a Gatorade commercial with a stuntwoman. The fact she's a stunt actress doesn't make her work any less genuinely impressive. She still did it.



Kacy Catanzaro's history-making Ninja Warrior run: The salmon ladder ON ITS OWN would make just about every man I know weep openly.



Electric violin cover of SOAD's Toxicity: Meytal Cohen on drums, Jennifer Lynn and Christine Wu on electric violin. I know it's from 2009, but it's new to me dangit!

 

And finally... my friend Elle Roberts being a total badass in her proposal for TEDx Indianapolis to talk about her big project, SheHive.

 

I wrote a thing about #FightForSmall!

My write-up on Fight For Small's launch party is live at the TechPoint blog.

Although I work in customer service and marketing, I’m also a social justice activist. That’s probably why the word “fight” drew me to the #FightForSmall launch party.

That’s not an understatement. Hoosier businesses have a fight on our hands. In an evolve-or-die world, 53 percent of Hoosier small businesses do not even have a website. “This keeps me up at night,” said Jayson Manship, lead nerd of inSourceCode, one of the nation's leading WordPress development shops. Small businesses are the real job creators in the state, national, and global economy. We owe ourselves use of the best tools available.  Click to read the whole thing!

Dangit, Avril.

OK, so I don't want to waste more than a couple of minutes on that wretched Hello Kitty video that everyone's talking about. It's just... If you  haven't seen it yet, it really just is as bad as everyone is saying. It offends by sheer virtue of existing. It makes Girlfriend look good. Hell, it makes Gwen Stefani's Hollaback Girl look good. And I am vehemently against anyone over the age of 24 doing anything having to do with a cheerleader costume. (except for private bedroom moments that remain private.)

I'll even admit, I kind of liked her ten years ago. And we're the same age, and I try to be at least somewhat supportive of people of my generation doing well. But... egh. I've never deserved so much side-eye for my guilty-pleasure pop music addiction.

The racist aspect of it has already been talked to death by people smarter than I. And... through an American lens, I can see why people would say that. The video, though, was supposed to be exclusive to Japan, where she's been more popular than here for oh, at least a good 5 years. This reads to me less as "white girl uses Asian girls as props" and more "white girl tries badly to be Kyary Pamyu Pamyu...while using Asian girls as props." Plus awkward Skrillex hair something something.

And by "tries," I mean... not really trying at all. More like let's do a couple hours of greenscreen and on-location shooting, throw in some random Japanese words (the way Japanese musicians frequently throw in random English words) and put a cupcake on it. And of course, OF COURSE, that guy from Nickelback was involved.

But then, when was the last time someone failed to get rich from underestimating the intelligence of a national population? Even if the single flops in Japan as hard as it's flopping here, Youtube page views still equal revenue.

I can say this, though. I haven't seen such a blatantly lazy, cynical grab at the common folks' money since Eric Turner in the most recent Indiana legislative session.

Questions

Ever wonder if maybe the end times crazies are right, maybe things are ending, but the mainstream church leaders maybe are the bad guys?

I mean, fundamentalism is catching on all over the world, cruel laws toward the marginalized run rampant, and anyone who read revelation knows the bad guys are winning right before Action Hero Jesus steps in to (bleep) some stuff up.

Then again maybe Mary just really stuck to her story, and maybe the writer of Revelation was just chilling on Patmos on some really good stuff, man.

I had a few fights this week with Christians because I spoke up about me and the many others hurt by the church, and I got brushed off with a "well, cruelty is everywhere."

Pretty sure that isn't what Jesus meant, and that was my sign to the question I have been wrestling for months, should I go back to church? But I don't think that church is any place for Jesus or for me.

I get this image sometimes of Jesus and Siddhartha, bro-ing it up like Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellan, like "They figure it out yet?"

"Nope."

"Sigh. 'Nother round of skeeball?"

"Sure."

"You know, Jeezy, one of these days you're gonna skeeball yourself into a coma."

"Nah, it's cool, Dad already did that back in the 90s."

I don't know what it means any better than the next person. But "be kind" translates to every heart's language, and for now, that looks like it's all I have.

I Post Links: "Why can't a smart woman love fashion?"

This essay by feminist writer Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie is perfection.

I had learned a lesson about Western culture: Women who wanted to be taken seriously were supposed to substantiate their seriousness with a studied indifference to appearance. For serious women writers in particular, it was better not to dress well at all, and if you did, then it was best to pretend that you had not put much thought into it. If you spoke of fashion, it had to be either with apology or with the slightest of sneers. The further your choices were from the mainstream, the better. The only circumstance under which caring about clothes was acceptable was when making a statement, creating an image of some sort to be edgy, eclectic, counterculture. It could not merely be about taking pleasure in clothes.

Day 29: "What the hell is a pergola?"

Day 29 prompt: What word(s) did you learn OR make-up this year? How did you learn it/make it up? Did you start using it?

I  had no freakin' idea what a pergola was, I just called them "that thing that kind of looks like a patio roof but not really and usually people plant vines on them or something."

And then Allen, the ex-or-whatever-he-is used the word in front of me not long after we were dating.

It was kind of embarrassing to admit I didn't have any idea what he was talking about. He was pretty kind about it, though. He just pointed out one in someone's lawn/garden as we drove by.

YMMV, but in hindsight I think it's hilarious that I was so embarrassed just over not knowing what a word is. And now I totally have an occurrence of Baader-Meinhoff phenomenon every single time I see one. (Also, I got to teach a lot of people what Baader-Meinhoff phenomenon is in 2013!)

And I still think pergola is kind of a weird word.

Day 22: Plan A Project

Think Kit prompt: "Plan, outline, or mind-map a project you want to tackle in 2014."

Recently, I attended UPRISING, a fantastic artistic event put on once a year by Devon Ginn. BTW, do click on the photos and videos on that Twitter search archive. You'll be glad.)

I've also announced, earlier today, that I'm going back to personal style and street-fashion blogging, along with some musings on lifestyle and politics.

^ video credit to Devon Ginn

Uprising is an example of everything going right in Indianapolis. It was an amazing example of diversity done right, and right on the heels of the facepalm-worthy BlackfaceGate perpetrated by Papa Roux, an eatery which was once beloved by a range of food enthusiasts, but more and more is becoming a litmus test for what douchebags eat.

And I really want CCS to be a part of the artist booths for next year. I want us to have some kind of creative photo booth. I noted many good things at Uprising. One of these was that there were a lot of snappy dressers, and it was really a shame that the blog was still not functional at that time to report on the action. The whole event, though, in general, has good attendance, but could use more coverage.

So, now to plan. The most obvious? I need a decent camera, and also to build some kind of creative, and highly portable, backdrop.

I need to stay in touch with Devon as to what more requirements are needed to have a space at Uprising. He's already received word of my interest in this project, so first contact is out of the way.

And, finally, I need to get back into practice photographing. I can practice with the camera on my phone for now, but I've wishlisted an affordable DSLR on Amazon and I'm working toward saving for it. I'm also going to need one or two people to help run the photo booth, and to decide if we're going to use props such as a dry-erase board for messages to immortalize in photo, in addition to just taking photos of well-dressed people.

It doesn't hurt that my ex, who I'm still on VERY good terms with, is a photographer who I can go to for advice.

More details on this project will be forthcoming as they get hammered out.

The return of personal style!

What's up!

I still don't have the kind of camera that I want in order to do this site justice, but I have finally hit the 21st century by procuring an Android phone! So exciting!

In celebration of this new purchase, I quickly downloaded Instagram to see what all the hype is all about.

I'm about equal parts meh and yay about the whole Instagram thing. But it does seem like it will be a useful tool overall, so if you would like to follow  me there, it's the same handle as you'll find on my Twitter: Circlecitystyle (click to follow me on IG!)

You may recall that this was originally started as a street and personal style/fashion blog. While things are ever evolving in jumps and starts, I feel that it is time to take things back to the root. This will be implemented gradually, and I'm still going to keep discussing the intersections of fashion, lifestyle, and local/state/US politics. That's kind of a different essay entirely to put down in the future, so for now, the tl;dr version is that I'm going to be posting wardrobe pictures again. Full posts will be here on the blog. You'll be able to get previews at the Instagram.

Today's outfit was fun, so let's start there!

Shirt: thrifted, not sure of the label.
Coral lace skater dress, thrifted, Mossimo.
Argyle tights, not sure but probably Target.
I do not remember where I got the robot earrings.
I got the tie-closure flats at 6pm.com.








The T-shirt is this really great distressed screenprint of the British flag, but it is a little bit hard to see even in person. I could not find the shirt online, so you'll have to use your imagination aided by this approximation.

Day 21: mantra making

A mantra for the coming year. I probably over-thought this one because it took FOREVER to come up with it. But I finally did.

"Don't judge that person wearing and doing silly things."

Because they're having more fun than you, and you are definitely the bigger fool if you unnecessarily put negativity into a fun thing. It goes well with my main New Years resolution, have more fun.

Day 23: Switch It Up

I'm a big believer in nonlinear progression, so I'm all over the place with these Think Kit prompts.

Here is the prompt from Day 23: Look at your surroundings as if you're seeing them for the first time – take a walk in your 'hood, explore your basement, or visit a favorite spot. What do you notice?

Well... frankly, a lot of people probably wouldn't find much to love about my neighborhood. 38th Street has a reputation, and not a good one. The poverty level is high. Few people can afford cars, and there aren't sidewalks in my area, either. So, that's bad. It's hard to take pride in your area and volunteer to improve it when you're just barely getting by. Even so, with one or two notable exceptions, my neighbors are generally kind, agreeable, good-at-heart people. I was only actually friends with one, and she has since moved to Arizona, so that sucks. But I don't dislike my neighbors, and I really wish leadership within my city didn't ignore them in favor of areas which are already rich in commerce and resources. It's also probably a food desert.

One thing I have noticed daily, recently, is the amount of trash strewn in the field just before the turn-off to my apartment complex. Now that the snow is not covering it, it's really an eyesore. I've thought frequently about seeing what community resources there even are here, and how I can tap in and be of some help. I don't want to be a gentrifier putting my hands in where they are not wanted, but it's clear that some quality-of-life boosts are needed, so one thing I'd like to do to show some pride in the area is to see if we can organize a trash pick-up project, to take one or two Saturdays where we do this one small thing to show some love to the neighborhood.

I think the purpose of this project was to find something you like about your surroundings. I can say to that.... I like the potential it has. Even if few people see that potential.

Being not "from" Indianapolis, I hardly know where to start, so any advice is welcome in the comments. Or you can tweet me @circlecitystyle.

Day 20: Difference Makers

It looks like I have ten more of these to go, but I'm probably counting wrong, because I could have sworn that there were fewer than that. Whatever, I'm going to rock these out over the next few days, and then this blog is going to new places that  I haven't quite figured out yet.

So, day 20 was writing about people who have made a difference in our lives.

Without a doubt, my answer for that in 2013/2014 is the Indy Feminists group. Now, I have a resource to use these convictions I've had for about a decade now and actually effect change in other ways besides just talking to my friends about dreams of a world that is better for everyone through changing paradigms for greater equality of women and men. And, better than that, we've gone from strangers on Twitter talking about common ideas and dreams to a group of real, trusted friends. We've endured a 14-hour-each-way trip to Oklahoma and back together. We spend a LOT of time together, online and offline.

Basically, I'd trust any of these people with my life. We're really just hitting the tip of the iceberg in terms of activist work. But I've gained a core group of trusted friends in Indianapolis who, if I have an emotional or a material need, they'll be an ear and a resource for ideas and solutions. I can ask the people of this group questions I couldn't ask a lot of other people. I'm finally finding my voice as an activist and not just wanting the world to be better, but not knowing how I can help.

As the group grows, I hope the core advisory group stays as tight as we are now. But no matter what, they're always going to have a place in my heart, and I'm grateful for the difference they continue to make in my life.

Day 18: The Season for Nice

I think for this one, writing about the reason I ended up locking my blog down for a few months probably counts. I am not sure how much overall good I did for the world, but it was a solidarity move for every woman and every family that a very, very terrible excuse for a man has hurt.

I got a message from a friend of mine, who is a DJ in the Indianapolis area, that a venue in Chicago had booked this A-hole guy to DJ at an event. A sexual predator who facilitates the harassment and bullying of women to the point where it's not hyperbole to say that lives are ruined. To the point where no fewer than two women have taken their own lives as a result. And now he's a (bleep)ing celebrity DJ.

So we took his booking down through applying public pressure.

I add that, about 3 weeks after he did this, he and his main accomplice were indicted for hacking into women's computers and stealing material to post onto his now-defunct website, along with personal identifying information including phone numbers and addresses. And there are clearly a lot of men out there who hate women enough to harass not only them but also their employers, in an attempt to ruin these women's lives. Revenge porn is still only illegal in, like, four states by the way.

So I spoke up for a lot of women who this jerk has harmed. And then I took myself out of the picture voluntarily for a while afterward, so that I wouldn't be targeted. I don't know how wise it even is to speak about it now, especially given that I have some past online actions that could, honestly, be dug up and used against me (which I was coerced into by a guy I was dating at the time.)

But we cannot afford to all be silent in the face of monsters who walk among us. And I am tired of being afraid of him, and afraid of my past. I figure it can only destroy me if I let it.

Getting it together

In January, I locked-down all social media as a pre-emptive measure against someone I found threatening. I don't know if I would have been targeted, but I know that other women have in the past, and I was not about to take any chances.

I was going to unlock it at the end of February, but it seems like everything this winter got stuck in a mode like we were trying to run through a pool of molasses, so that didn't happen. At least I'm in good company; a lot of people complained of hitting a slump in the long, never-ending winter.

I've also had a particularly fun bout with the depression lately, though I'd still classify it in the mild-to-moderate category. The plan was to finish up on all the Think Kit prompts, which Indy folks had been working on as a group in December, and unlock the blog with all these shiny new prompted posts.

Well, it looks like what happens when nobody is watching is that I just don't write.

I don't know if my drive is actually just that bad, or if it was just the depression combined with my lack of internet at home (it is PROHIBITIVELY expensive. Thanks, near-monopoly!)

I'm leaning toward the latter. I still freely admit that self-discipline is a thing I need to be working daily to strengthen. And it seems to me that a good way to keep myself focused and accountable is to write about my efforts here.

I'm also single again, in nomenclature at least. Allen and I are still crazy over each other, but -- and I'm going to keep a lot of the details just between us -- we had a lot of issues, especially in terms of making enough quality time to be with each other, and well, according to him, it took me ending things to give him a wake-up call. So I'm still bent on taking things slowly and probably non-exclusively dating him and perhaps a few other people over the next couple of months before I make up my mind.

That's the quickie version of what's going on lately. There's a LOT more, but I'm going to save that for when I pound out the last of those December Think Kit prompts, and then tuck into the monthly prompts they've gone to, and also hammer out a sustainable, workable model for this blog. After some discussion with Crystal of Dressed Her Days Vintage, I think I have some ways to make it easier for this place to be more consistently updated and worth reading. But I'm keeping those cards pretty close to my chest for now. After the move in May or June to either Downtown Indy or the west side, things will probably be easier.

On un-doing narrow gender assumptions that hurt our kids, one action at a time.

So I'm still doing that take-down of Mike Pence's State of the State address. I'm going through that regurgitated abortion of a speech one line at a time, and it wasn't a short speech, so... sorry it's a bit belated, but this weekend I'm planning to get it done.

Also, this Sunday is my birthday! YAY! I'm down to only one year left to be in my 20's!

I also had some daddy/abandonment issues triggered yesterday by some bad news a friend got, so I might work through that by writing some things as well.

But right now we're going to talk about a repeated event that STILL pisses me off, from my brief stint working at a Children's Place location in a mall.

 The ridiculous levels of gender segregation and stereotyping that happen in that damnable store are bad enough. But there were these adorable pink Western style boots on the girls' side, right? I mean, I'd totally wear them if they came me-sized, and I haven't worn cowgirl boots since I was 15.

And the little boys who came into that shop LOVED those boots. They just wanted to try them on and/or carry them around. So many little boys, all between the ages of 2 and 4. Here they were in a store trying so hard to beat the norms into them, and they just don't know differently. Who knows at that age whether a boy's going to grow up to be macho as a horde of lumberjacks, or if he's going to be a drag queen some day? It's precious. It's not a teaching opportunity, it's not really anything. Just let the kid try on the boots and be happy for a minute.

Those kids' parents acted like they'd tried to pick up a rattlesnake. Every single one of them. "No, you don't want those. Look, here's a shirt with a firetruck on it."

Screw you. First of all, little girls like firetrucks and dinosaurs and trains too! Especially dinosaurs, who the hell doesn't like dinosaurs? Secondly, your two year old isn't going to catch the gay from a pair of cute shoes. Just let him be happy for a couple of minutes.

I thought of this again because a couple of days ago, Allen sent me a photo of some shoes he'd bought for his two year old son. They're hot-pink. They're glittery. I'd SO wear them if they came in a women's size 8.

He didn't just let his boy try on the pink shoes, he actually bought them when they fit and the kid was clearly in love with them. He let his kid be happy.  He didn't question his child's judgment in a time when it's frankly pretty important *not* to teach them to mistrust themselves.

You see yet why I'm so in love with this guy?

Similar shoes, but not *the* shoes. The actual photo Allen sent me is private, y'all. You'll notice that when the little boy put these shoes on, nobody was harmed and the Apocalypse did not come.

I Post Links: What to do with the Unsmiling Woman?

Hi, Internet.

So, my old internet-friend-and-sometimes-IRL-friend Bil was browsing a thrift store in Washington, D.C. and made an outstanding discovery. A huge collection of over 150 photos of a mysterious, blonde woman.

She was fashionably dressed and the casual snapshots of her spoke to a natural grace and beauty that immediately captivated me. I bought a photo of her on vacation and another one of her and someone I assumed was her husband sitting under a Christmas tree. She wasn't smiling in either picture and the clerk mentioned that she was in several photos; the staff had nicknamed her "The Unsmiling Woman.

The lady had totally killer fashion sense. I won't post any of the photos without Bil's consent, but you can click through to see them here. The photos are a chronicle of her and her husband's life together, from the 1950's to their deaths in the 1990's. Their entire estate, including these photos, was sold or donated.

She had a fascinating life that has really resonated with me. I put the photos in order from 1950 to 1996; when confronted with the entirety of her recorded history, watching her age in the space of time it takes to flip through them all is surprisingly emotional. Knowing that her husband was put in a nursing home for Alzheimer's and watching him deteriorate in the photos, it's heartbreaking when he disappears. He was the main photographer in the family. Once he leaves, there's only one more photo of Barbara. Her grief is beautifully understated and would reduce the most hardhearted person to tears.

So now Bil is on a labor of love for this lady he never got to meet. He's done some research, tried to find more about their identities, considered writing a biography of her life. He's tried to find people who knew her that may want the photos. He thought about frivolous artistic pursuits with the photos, but decided this would be disrespectful.

Guys, just looking at the goofy photo of her and her husband, in their home shortly after their wedding. It's really giving me the feelings. I, too, feel like she deserves some kind of tribute.

Please chime in to the comments, tweet him at @bilerico, or discuss below and I can pass your comments on. Thank you.

Hate is not a Hoosier value: Down with HJR-3!

UPDATE: HJR-3 HEARING LIVESTREAM HERE STARTING 10:00 AM EASTERN TIME 

Update: Hundreds of marriage equality advocates have PACKED the Indiana Statehouse. 

FINAL UPDATE FOR TODAY: Hearing has ended, no vote today. I surmise it has something to do with the fact they don't want to deal with voting pro-hate in a room where they have to look into the faces of so many people who want this awful amendment to die in committee. Will be watching VERY closely, and as soon as we at Indy Feminists know when the vote will be, we will pass the word on to you. Please click here to like us on Facebook :)

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So, we're within 2 hours of the Indiana House Judicial Committee's hearing and vote on House Joint Resolution 3, which was formerly known as House Joint Resolution 6. Apparently the catchy "Nix 6" slogan was just too intimidating for the GOP of Indiana? But then we're used to them dodging rules, changing rules, changing bill names, and generally just trying as much as they can to operate under cover of obfuscation.

Because they know that Indiana is not as red as our reputation would claim.

Many of us know that using religion as a cudgel isn't a Hoosier value. It may have worked in the past, but the beautiful thing about evolving in your faith is that... well, you evolve. No fewer than 17 religious denominations in Indiana affirm marriage equality. Not only does HJR-3 harm families, it is actually a harmful bill for the religious freedom of all these groups.

Indiana has a lot of faithful people, and the "silent majority" among Christians who believe God hates same sex couples and wants to curtail their natural rights, is not truly a majority. Nor are they silent. We've heard their PR campaigns loud and clear to "protect traditional marriage" etc, loud and clear, and though they don't like to acknowledge it because it's bad for PR, they know what this is really about. It's about enforcing a second-class citizen status for anyone who isn't like them.

Not even to get started on the many folks in the state who follow Buddhism, Hinduism, Islam, another faith, or no faith at all. We ignore these voices to our own detriment.

The standard lines used by pro marriage equality advocates who want a swift end to HJR-3 use arguments about business development in the state, the backward image it would project on us, and the redundancy of seeking a constitutional amendment when same-sex marriage is already illegal here! Nothing yet on the repeal of our existing law, but I trust that day will come. I mean, even Utah has seen over a thousand same-sex marriages at this point. If that isn't truth that anything is possible and that our day is coming...

Which is exactly what scares the haters. They know our day is coming. Somewhere down, I'm sure most of them know they're on the losing side of history, that our children and grandchildren will see them with the same shock as we see the way our grandparents' generation treated... well, not just the Black community, but that is the most prominent example.

Our nation, and definitely our state, has a checkered past in terms of civil rights and basic human decency. We've got a chance today to stand up for better. We absolutely deserve better.

The vote is at 10:00 a.m. Eastern today. It's almost 8:30 right now. I'm hearing from the Indy Feminists Twitter account that the Statehouse is already filling. If you can, please go be there. People are coming in from all over the state. If you can't be there, wherever you are in the country, you can follow on Twitter via the hashtags #hjr3 and #inlegis. Freedom Indiana, Indy Feminists, and several other folks will be livetweeting everything.

Fellow Hoosiers, you can still click here to send your congresspeople a letter opposing the resolution. If you can't be at the statehouse today or the rally at the Artsgarden at 6pm tonight, you can still send letters, tweet #inlegis and @ingop, and most importantly, talk about it. Choose red today if you're still picking out your work clothes. That's the color anti-HJR3 activists are wearing at the Statehouse.

If you're outside of the state, we appreciate your love and support as well! You don't need to be a Hoosier to go over to Facebook and "like" Indy Feminists, Nix 6, and Freedom Indiana.

EDIT: I'll be updating the Resources link below as I get more over the course of today. I'm also compiling a list of Twitter users who are at the Statehouse. You can follow me on Twitter at @circlecitystyle. 

A few more resources:

Sheila Kennedy: "Clarifying" HJR-3
Indiana Forefront: Chickens Pecking Over HJR-3
Political analyst Doug Masson's analysis of the House Resolution's name change.
Indy Star article on today's hearing
Shakesville's always-good analysis of what's at stake in today's vote.
Shakesville: Indiana's Republican-controlled legislator isn't listening to Hoosiers on marriage equality
Michigan City News-Dispatch: Gay marriage ban a "waste of time" distraction from Hoosiers' real problems
Howey Politics: House GOP seeks "Clarification" to marriage amendment