Day 19: No Limits

I'm going to be looking out for opportunities to take care of Think Kit's prompt for day 18, but I'm feeling a bit under the weather today, so mostly today is going to be a lot of self-care and tea drinking. Onward to day 19!

If money, time or other commitments were no obstacle in 2013, what would you do?

I'd do all the traveling I've been putting off for years because I was struggling financially. I'd go to festivals. I'd go to Cedar Point. I really want to see several places in Japan, and India, and I want to see the west coast, because the farthest west I've been is Abilene, Texas. I've never been outside the US, except for Niagara Falls, Canada, when I was 3. It doesn't count if you don't even remember it. I'd go to a lot more concerts. I'd finally take that trip backpacking through Europe like I used to talk about in my late teens, back when it didn't feel like a pipe dream.

And I'd take my boyfriend with me. Granted, he got some traveling out of the way,  years ago, and I've seen the photos. It looks like it was a lot of fun.

Honestly, though, these days, anything that amounts to spending time with him would do. I would spend so much more time with him. I'm probably a little overly emotional right now, because my body is spazzing out today and it feels awful, but I think about little things he does for me, like last night when I knew I was getting sick, so I didn't want to be out in the cold, and he scraped my car windows so I didn't have to. I'd say I don't know what I'd do without him, but I do without all the time, because I barely ever see him anymore. And then he goes and gives me things like this light-up DJ Pon-3 figurine, because he understands me:

But I don't know how much longer we're going to be able to do this thing. And it really isn't anyone's fault. It's just that there's only so long you can handle not even being able to do the most basic of relationship things because you just live too far away and you don't have important resources like time. So often I need cuddles and he just can't be there. So the thought of having the time and resources to just go to some beautiful place, even if just for a day or two, and just be with him. Yeah, if I could clear out all the obstacles, that is the first thing I would do.

I need tea and cuddles right now, and I've been tired for months of settling for just the tea.

Day 17 and 24: Stand-out friends are everything sometimes.

These two prompts go together quite well for my purposes, so I'm knocking out two at once today.

Day 17: What stands out? Share a moment that stands out. Is it moving? Awkward? Infuriating? Ecstatic? Who was with you? Where were you?

Day 24: What are you grateful for this year?

I was talking a few weeks ago with one of my besties. We dated years ago, and there have been a lot of weird moments, some fights, a couple times we dated again for like 5 minutes, but generally, just a lot of being there for a hug and an encouraging word for each other when, often, it felt like nobody else was. It's been a very transition-full and rough year in a lot of ways for both of us, and he said something on that day, some weeks ago, which made me sad. Something I was unable to relate to. He said he felt like I'm the only friend he has who he can really talk to. The only one who really gives a damn as opposed to someone it's just convenient to hang out with sometimes.

I could not give him a hug big enough. I mean, I'm very glad to be there and be a person who anyone feels like they can trust to care for them. Sometimes I ask a lot of my friends, but in general, I just disclose my problems and my emotional needs to the ones I feel like I can trust with that vulnerability. They tend to come through in radical ways.

There's Jessica. My old roommate from the last time I lived in Indy. We kind of rescued each other. She took care of me on nights when I was so depressed and/or weepy-drunk that I couldn't even make it to my room. She put me on the couch and gave me water and just let me cry, and she was one of the people who talked me into seeking treatment for my depression and anxiety. She told me I wasn't just being weak, and that it was going to be OK.

I remember she used to date the most messed-up guys, and I was honest to her about them even when it made her angry. I gave her such an earful the time I found out that the reason her car was in the shop was because she drove home drunk and damaged her car in the process, and to the best I know, she never drove drunk again. I told her she could call me any time, even at 4 a.m., if she needed a ride, and I kept that promise. She's gotten into AA pretty hardcore these days. I forget exactly how long she's been sober at this point, but it's at least 2 years if I remember right.

There's Tyrone. I met him at a student journalists' conference on sexual health and STD prevention when we were in college. Even though he lives all the way in Wisconsin, Ty made me keep him updated on my job search when I was working one of the many jobs I've had that felt like an abusive lover, and I had to get out. Then my laptop stopped working. I was frantic. My job was killing me, and it was only $9 an hour, and I was barely covering my expenses as it was. He spent a little over $400 to get me a new netbook so I could keep looking. Privileged people can look down upon the working poor for having things like cell phones and computers, but in this day, access to a computer with internet access is not a luxury if you want to get a job. And not everyone has a car or a library close enough to walk to, or perhaps they work hours that make it hard to get to the library while it's open.

There's Jenny. Jenny is my oldest friend. She's known me since we were 5, and she could tell you more embarrassing stories about me than anyone. I was a weird kid. I'm a weird adult, too. And she's still here. She lives in my home town of Petersburg, so I don't get to see her nearly enough, but I've never known her to not answer her phone. She owns her own catering business, and even on her busiest days, she doesn't neglect me if I need a friend. I'd drop everything and run to spend time with her if I heard she was in Indianapolis right now.

There's Augie. He's in a class of his own, my favorite punk douchebag libertarian troll. When I met him, we were both dressed kind of like BDSM freaks because it was Rocky Horror Picture Show. He's pretty much the only person who has ever seen just how crazy I can get, and who actually stayed around after seeing it. We've pretty much literally kept each other alive more times in the last year than I care to get into. He'd also lived more and seen more crazy crap by the age of 16 than I probably ever will. He seems to frequently think that he's a worthless and awful person, but I mean, he saves lives for a living. And even if he didn't do something special like that, he'd be worth a lot to me, at least.

There are Gretchen and Caroline, local DJ's in the Indianapolis goth community. It's a small scene, but a dedicated one, and Indy is a good location because we can easily plan road trips to St. Louis, Chicago, Dayton, Louisville, Columbus, and such if there is a good show going on there. Caroline has taken care of weepy-drunk-me in bars more times than I care to think about, and they still keep on hanging out with me and inviting me to join in their adventures. I'm sure they're relieved that I'm better and that they won't need to babysit my pitiful crying butt anymore. But they never left me hanging, and they know I'd do the same for them in a heartbeat.

And, finally, there's the first guy I mentioned. Mike. I could probably cuddle and watch crap sci-fi original movies with him for days. He kept me from being homeless in 2008, the last time I moved to Indy. I stayed on his couch for months, and it was weird in some ways, as it's bound to be, when your ex brings home a girlfriend and you know exactly what you're missing, but when I remember those days now, I wouldn't trade a day of it. There's nothing funnier than walking in the door after work to see Mike and several other guys re-enacting Boondock Saints scenes with whiskey and Airsoft pellet guns.

My friends are probably all just as certifiably insane as I am. They're definitely a stand-out of 2013, as they have been every year before that. And I'm terribly grateful for all of them.

Day 26: What the hell am I doing here?

Okay, I skipped forward several days on the catch-up, because I was scared of the "draw a self portrait" prompt and so I wanted to get out of the way.

I've produced one decent drawing, ever, and it's not this one. In 7th grade, I had my one and only entry in the school art show. I think it was a still life, but I don't remember. It took a lot of effort, and it didn't win anything.

Whatever.

Here's the ThinkKit prompt for December 26: Draw a self portrait. Get as abstract or as real as you like.

All I had was a pen and a notebook. I'd probably have put in a rainbow or something if I'd had colors. Apparently my inner self is a freaky bobble-head. Also, I don't know if it helps with anything, but I had "Creep" by Radiohead stuck in my head the whole time.

Day 16: Possibly Positive Addictions

The Think Kit prompt for December 16 was:

What did you discover this year?

I mentioned yesterday (in a post that was excessively hard to write and took much burning of lavender incense and sage, and a very long hot bath to recover from) that I get addicted to things easily. It sort of sucks.

So why I ever decided to try Pinterest is beyond me. My friends warned me. "It's a black hole! It's worse than TV Tropes!" I had actually gotten the account at least a year before I actually started using it, then someone's post on Facebook reminded me that the thing exists.

So. I discovered Pinterest this year. Yep, it's quite addicting. But I also discovered the LeechBlock add-on for Firefox, so it hasn't monstrously killed my productivity.

And I know it's gotten some flak for being materialistic and for creating unrealistic expectations for would-be crafters everywhere, but it's also a really worthwhile tool for someone like me: an aspiring minimalist who also kind of sucks at minimalism because I tend to therapy shop a lot. On Pinterest, I can hoard all the stuff I want. I can organize meticulously, or be kind of willy-nilly about it. I can plan outfits and collect gift ideas. I can sort of own that awesome thing I saw without spending money or cluttering up my tiny apartment with junk.

So, if you want to hang out and share some pins, I'll be right over here.

Day 15: I wrote a crappy haiku!

The Think Kit prompt for December 15 was:

Handwrite a _______. A tweet. A letter to a friend. A list. A note to someone you've never met. Your signature font. What's it look like? Take a picture of it!

Okay, folks. You asked for it:

Day 14: Sometimes life lessons feel like year-long kicks to the stomach.

Ooooof. This prompt gave me the feelings.

The Think Kit prompt for December 14 (I'm really playing catch-up here, but I will get through all these if it takes me until February!) was: "Did you get any good advice or learn a valuable lesson this year? What was it?"

Well, I learned a lot of things, and the process sucked. On the upside, I finally figured out how to live somewhat contently on my own without going (literally) insane.

I got my major depressive disorder under control, finally, and I literally feel more like me than I have felt in at least ten years. The downside is that all the literature says this form of depression has a really high risk for relapse. And I came here from what was easily the worst episode I've ever had. Six months of barely being functional, of knowing things were bad but not realizing I was being full-on crazy, because you don't know you're being crazy while it's happening. You just find lucidity, months later, and then you're appalled at all the crap you did. When you thought you were recovering, but you weren't. I was totally, how-the-hell-am-I-still-alive, should-have-been-hospitalized-for-a-while crazy.

I don't want to relapse. My lows are finally normal, the in-betweens aren't crushing lows in disguise, and I have a lot of truly happy moments for the first time in a long time, so I am keeping up with maintenance counseling appointments, exercising, eating better, and all those good things. And keeping an eagle eye out for any small signs of relapse. I was not me for so long. I guess I kind of was, because the illness is an aspect of me, but I am so appalled by it that it hurts to realize the best way to never go back is to never forget that the monster might only be sleeping, and I have to be ever vigilant, ready to kill it before it tries to kill me again.

After leaving my fiance, I'd probably have struck out into a bright new world of self discovery and adventure if I wasn't so damn unstable at the time. Instead, because I'm terribly insecure, the depression and anxiety were eating me up from the inside out, and I didn't know how to be alone because I hadn't been for longer than a couple of months since I was 15, I lasted all of 2 weeks before I was all over one of my best friends.

He isn't my friend anymore. I briefly mentioned it back when I thought we were still going to be. While therapy window-shopping via the internet, obviously.

I get addicted so easily. I get addicted to things, songs, activities, locations, and most of all, I get addicted to people. I can't honestly say I never tried recreational drugs for lack of curiosity. More because I know myself, I've seen people lose their entire lives to substance addiction, and I've been having a hard enough time since my adolescence just keeping the bare minimum together, thank you very much. Throw that in with the pretty-much-psychotic level of the depressive cliff I fell off in early 2013, and the weird phenomenon where the rebound guy is always harder to get over than the guy you rebounded from.

He was my drug. The meds were not even taking the edge off my illness anymore, and contact with him became the only thing that made me feel remotely alive again. I would have either never gotten physically involved with him in the first place, or cut it off immediately, if I had been lucid enough to see what was starting to happen. Then it got so bad that even he could not get a real smile out of me. Nothing could. I was to a point where I was harmful to both of us.

And then he started dating someone. It was harder to kick my addiction to him than it was to handle withdrawal from my Klonopin prescription. I had to face a lot of lies I'd set up for myself because I couldn't cope with how sick I was, in body and in mind.

He went pretty quickly from my closest confidante to not even responding because I was being nuts. I'd leave him like ten voicemails in a day because he didn't answer until I pestered him so hard he couldn't ignore it anymore. I lost my empathetic abilities completely because I couldn't hear anyone else over the screaming of my own bloodied raw heart and nerves. His school friends hated me, probably still hate me, because the addict and the monster is what they know of me. They've never seen me healthy. I'm pretty sure he hasn't ever seen me truly well, either. He just got to see functional days.

There are hours and even days at a time that are fuzzy or even blank when I try to remember them. I think I'm OK with that. But I can't even apologize for all the awful things I did or said when I was in that place if I can't remember them. Even if he, if any of them, would let me.

I still go back and forth a little between the grief stages of bargaining and acceptance. I don't need my old friend to forgive me in order to forgive myself. It would be really nice, but having dealt with people in the past who were as toxic as I have been, I understand why he can't risk opening that door back up. Angry, scared, both, I don't know, probably both. I know he truly cared about me, so he would probably be happy to see me well, but he won't see it, and that has to be OK.

The bargaining-voice chimes up, not often anymore, just probably once or twice a month. It says things like maybe if his friends could see me healthy like I am now, just once, he wouldn't have to make excuses to them for why he talks to me again, if he talked to me again. It says I must be OK because if I weren't OK, I'd be sending him twenty texts to just answer his phone and look at me because look at how OK I am now. The acceptance voice says just remember the years of good times that we did have, now that thinking about it makes me smile instead of cry, and that I'm easy to find again if he wanted to. There are other people to hug and drink tea with, and talk about fashion and airplanes and dreams with.

I learned to hopefully not let go so hard in the future. I learned that being alone for hours, days, even weeks at a time is something I can do now that the depression and the anxiety haven't tried to devour me in several months. I'm pretty confident that the person I'm dating now is in my life because I want him, not because I need him, because I have not once had an anxiety attack or contemplated suicide because my insides were burning with all the ways I hated myself and I felt like I'd die if someone wouldn't hold me until I stopped crying, or make out with me or more than that, so I could forget about the darkness for a little while.

My body learning how to process emotions other than the negative ones was interesting. The first several times I had happy emotions in 2013, crying happened because my body didn't know how else to process any strong emotion. Then I would laugh uncontrollably when I was upset. Everything was confused and upside down while I figured it out again. This is apparently normal when you're recovering from the crazy.

The lessons cost me a lot of other things besides just one friend, too, but those aren't the stories I'm telling today. And at least I got some lessons in exchange for the cost.

Style Inspirations: Kate Middleton OWNED CHRISTMAS, Y'ALL.

I actively avoid royal-following, because blech to the weird obsession our society has with royals and the famous etc, but I may have squealed when I saw the combination of this woman's coat and hat. KATE. TEACH ME YOUR WAYS.

I mean. You guys.

Okay, enough drooling over photos. Here are some items inspired by the Duchess' totally ace holiday ensemble. I am still trying to locate the designers' information at this time for what she wore. (Edit: The coat is Alexander McQueen. Still don't know about the hat.)

Here are a coat and fascinator in vaguely comparable style to what she's wearing in the photos, if emulation is your thing:

Green fascinator by ancoraboutique

Green dress coat by Second Choice

You can throw on a scarf with the peacoat or trench you already have, if you prefer just a touch of plaid.

Black Watch tartan cashmere scarf by Seth Roberts - It's marked as menswear but seriously, it's a scarf. Let's go with it.

Perfectly Plaid scarf by Madewell

I went to Etsy to look at hats, because obviously, small-business designers are the way to go whenever possible!

Fascinator in 2 shades of green by ancoraboutique

Green beret with bow accent by TheMillineryShop

Miss Green beret by GreerMcDonaldHats

Bird on a Green hat by GreerMcDonaldHats

Green vintage pillbox hat from feevahat

Rejoice if you prefer a plaid dress:

Cricket Matchmaker dress by ModCloth

Green tartan 50's dress by Dorothy Perkins

You could also pair a black or navy skirt you already own with a classy jacket.

Truly covetable plaid jacket by Vivienne Westwood

Much-more-affordable plaid mix blazer by Asos

Classic Black Watch tartan plaid jacket from Talbots

I know, I know, I should probably be writing about Radiant Orchid or sequined New Years things right now. Also, I've got a lot of Think Kit posts to catch up on. But this was necessary, folks.

Day 13 since I'm way behind: (not so) Humorless Feminists

So, I have had very spotty Internet access since my neighbors who I was going in halvsies with moved away, taking their router with them. Internet costs in this town are nothing short of criminal, and it's just been out of my budget. So, I just have to do the best I can. In any case, I'm back for now. I'll be catching up on Think Kit posts as well as I can over the next few days.

Day 13's prompt was: When did you laugh out loud? Share a funny or humorous story from this year.

Oh, there are several. Probably none are safe-for-work reads. There was the joy of getting to see Lou play Cards Against Humanity for the first time. The only thing funnier than the first time you get to play CAH is getting to see the reaction of someone else playing CAH for the first time.

And then there was the Indy Feminists Christmas party at Revolucion in Fountain Square. Turns out we showed up at the same time as Santa Con. We all got pictures with Krampus the Christmas Demon. There was much variety of Christmas dress-up enthusiasts including someone dressed as Buddy from Elf, a Christmas tree, Joseph and pregnant Mary, and at least a hundred Santas and Mrs. Clauses, some of decidedly BDSM persuasions.

They also all wanted pictures with me, since I was wearing a diaphanous red party dress with spiderweb-net sleeves, a cotton-candy-pink wig, furry-trimmed black wedge boots, and Hello Kitty ears at the time. The lighting sucked, so the photos aren't great, but here are a couple:

I'm ready for my spanking, Krampus!

People in 20s-thru-40s period costume for an event at White Rabbit.

There was at least one joke uttered that I may be ill-advised to repeat. But it did make everyone at the table laugh their heads off.

This was one or two days after Nelson Mandela had died, and we had been doing a little bit of kvetching at how folks like Harry Reid kept comparing Mandela to white guys including George Washington. Because if there's anything affluent old white guys like to do, it's compare heroes of marginalized communities to affluent old white guys. The topic shifted to other things, as topics are wont to do in a party situation, and then Mr. Rogers was mentioned.

Harmony said she never really got into Mr. Rogers. Quelle horreur! And then I may have lampooned Harry Reid et al harder than I have ever lampooned before:

"Well, really though, Nelson Mandela really kind of was like the Black Mr. Rogers, right guys?"

Blog Note: Updated design

So really all I did was tweak the Simple template. Because I already liked the Simple template. Dynamic Views kept glitching and being weird, and generally just getting on my nerves. This one is simpler. And the background reminds me of candy.

What do you think? Like the new design?

Day 12: The top 10 songs/artists I found in 2013!

Well, I'm not going to have a whole lot of opportunity to try something new today, so I'm picking a lifeline for today's Think Kit. Nay, TWO lifelines, sir!

 I've had music on the brain this morning, and it is nearly impossible to just pick *one* new band or song this year. So I'm combining the "what new music did you find and how?" lifeline and the "make a top 10 list of anything" lifeline. Deal with it, sucka.

image by MisterBrony

The Top 10 Songs and/or Artists I Found in 2013 are... (drumroll)

• Poni Robots by Omnipony

I add that the kid was only 14 when he made this. Between the level of talent and effort needed to compose something like this, and the fact a 14 year old boy was OK with admitting he likes a pastel pony show written for 5 year old girls... I suddenly have a lot more faith in the future. I randomly found this song a few days ago while I was searching on Google for reviews of MLP:FiM season 4 episodes. I'm rather consistently blown away by the level of talent shown by this fanbase.

• Q.U.E.E.N. by Janelle Monae featuring Erykah Badu

The TL;DR version is that I love everything about Janelle Monae. Just everything. Girl can do no wrong in my opinion. Her entire Electric Lady album is gold. I anxiously awaited this album because I've loved her ever since I found her. Granted, any song on the album could stand well as a single, but I think the choice to release this one first was VERY wise. Also. DAT VIDEO.

• He Was A Big Freak by Betty Davis

My friend Nicole showed me Betty Davis while I still lived in Evansville. We were probably talking about how much clinical depression sucks, and we were definitely drinking hot tea in her old eclectic farm house. I will never be as cool as Betty Davis. Neither will you.

• Love Come Down by Kalafina

I hate myself for not finding this group sooner. The whole thing is a brainchild of Yuki Kajiura, a composer who's done a lot of work for anime, and who I've pretty much got an enormous crush on based on her music alone. Everything is just so ethereal. I adore it so much. Kalafina is basically dolly kei incarnate. For more examples of Kajiura's magic, look up the soundtrack to La Portrait De Petite Cosette. A very disturbing, weird anime film with music so pretty, you'll cry.

To add an extra level to how stupid I feel for not having heard Kalafina sooner, they performed at Anime Central in Chicago like ONE month before I discovered them. *headdesk* (I also can't go without mentioning Natsu No Ringo. I was torn between that and Love Come Down to show you on the blog.)

• Tea Party by Kerli

Okay, so this one is actually from 2010, but I missed her somehow. I do completely adore this song and video. I found it on some list somewhere of new music videos that have a goth vibe. I can't find the list now, alas. She's DEFINITELY got nothing in common with the old-school goth community that started it all back in the day, but this video is a lot of things I enjoy, bringing the sort of electronic dance vibe, glitter, and pastel set that I'm sure perkigoths can get all over. I'm a wee tad confused over Kerli calling herself the starter of something called Bubblegoth. I mean, I get the concept, and it's cool, but it's already been a thing. Because pastelgoth/perky goth/glitter goth already exist. Eh, I'm not going to think too hard about it. She's still doing some really interesting things.

• Paloma Faith

I found Paloma Faith randomly on Spotify. Possibly on Mika radio, I'm not sure. The structure of the song I chose for her, Picking up the Pieces, reminds me of a Mika song. I'd have more insight as to why they're similar if I had ever studied music theory. For all I can tell so far, the woman is flawless.

• Kishi Bashi

I am ANGRY at everyone who never showed me Kishi Bashi. He's probably my favorite musical find of 2013. God, his cover of ELO's Twilight makes me SO happy. Anyone who doesn't like Kishi Bashi is a bad person.

• The Birthday Massacre

TBM is one of those bands I heard about in passing, made a mental note to check out, and then kind of forgot to follow through on it. The video above was made by my friend B-Ray, of Geekvision Productions, for a video contest the band had early in 2013. Leave it to B-Ray to remind me I was an idiot for forgetting about TBM.

• Bottom of the River by Delta Rae

So apparently this was on the Sing Off a few days ago or something. I don't even have a TV, so I don't know. I heard this done live on NPR a couple months ago.

• Daughn Gibson

I gotta just go and share the whole album for this guy. He's a weirdo. I like it. This is his 2012, album, not the one from this year. I like All Hell better, but his new album is called Me Moan, if you want more.

So, that's my top 10 for 2013. Did I miss something that I absolutely need to hear? Let me know in the comments!

Bar Graph Visualizing (Day 11)

Today's Think Kit is to draw a pie chart, bar graph, or Venn diagram of my year. Welp, the thing that is most easily the defining moment of 2013 was when I moved back to Indianapolis. I'm not saying that Indy is the only thing that took my life from sucky to good. I made a lot of good changes as well. The two biggest were changing from a job I hated to one I truly enjoy, and learning how to spend time by myself without climbing up the wall with anxiety and/or despair.

Day 10 (better late than never): On Habits

So, I joined ThinkKit's December blogging challenge thingy yesterday. It's a month-long exercise of daily writing prompts. I wasn't going to join up, but then i got curious, because it seems like EVERYONE on my Twitter feed is doing this. So hooray peer pressure! Here we go!

And then I promptly fell asleep yesterday, right after work, and slept through the whole night. That is what I get for staying up late Monday night catching up on My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. (Don't judge me. Season 4 is AMAZING so far. Yes, I'm officially pushing thirty and I watch a little kid's TV show, what of it?)

So. I'm doing 2 posts today to catch-up.

Tuesday's prompt was: What habits did you start this year that you want to continue? I decided to write about 2. One serious, one silly.

I was going to write about how I've actually managed to start keeping up on self-care things including regular exercise, whether outside in the warm months, or in the gym as I've been lately, because winter can go suck on a candy cane.

Then I realized it goes a little deeper than that. My very mindset and self-talk habits have changed, and I really think that is the key reason why I failed in the past, and why I've been succeeding for a solid month now. In the past almost-year, I have gone from self-loathing to the point of literally being suicidal, to actually kind of liking who I am and wanting to nourish, care for, and strengthen my body. I'm weird. I'm awkward. I have big thighs. I can't crush my enemies like grapes between my big thighs anymore, but I'm working on getting that back. (Who needs thigh gap when you can be a loaded weapon instead?)

And in May, I'm running the Mini Marathon even if it takes me all day to finish it. So, the habits of more affirmative self-reflection and regular physical training will definitely continue in 2014.

 I've also developed a wig-slash-fake-hair habit that may soon border on ridiculous if I keep it up.

I have a step-grandmother who, to the best of my knowledge, hasn't shown her real hair to the world since probably the 1960's. She has a most fantastic sense of fashion, bargain-shops to beat anyone, and always gives the best Christmas gifts of anyone I know. But I always thought she was crazy for the wig thing.

I now believe she is nothing short of a genius. Although she does focus too hard on people not knowing she is wearing a wig. Same color, texture, and length every day. She looks good, I mean GOOD, but if I'm going to wear a wig, I'm going to change my appearance with it.

So far, I have a short black bob a la Jane from Daria, a purple and black long curly wig, which was made for a Corpse Bride costume but which I'll be using for steampunk Rarity cosplay, an asymmetrical short black wig with electric-blue highlights, a mid-length layered black wig with purple streaks, and a long, slightly-wavy pink wig. I also bought some black clip-on bangs on Amazon yesterday, because I have a five-head, and I like bangs, but I hate styling them.

I'm also working on finding the perfect, curly, cotton-candy pink wig that I can style like one of the models from Betsey Johnson's Spring/Summer 2014 NYFW show:



And behold some screen shots from my Amazon wish list:

We're not even gonna get started on the clip-in color streaks. I think it's safe to say the wig thing is a habit.

Quick Hit: Fantasy Dresses for Holiday and Birthday Parties

I'm going to cop straight-out to the fact that this post wasn't entirely my idea. It was inspired by Estelle at XOJane.

I already have the perfect dresses to see me through New Years and Christmas, so I'm not concerned about that today. But I do turn 29 in January, so I was a bit inspired by Estelle to look at wildly expensive dresses that don't at all fit my service-sector budget. And now, I am in love. Sigh. It is amazing. I could wear the HELL out of this dress:

Giambattista Valli one-shoulder dress, which is currently listed at 50% off its regular price of $2629.07

.

I perish just a little bit inside.

This one from BCBG Max Azria is also one-shoulder, embellished, and comes in a punchy pink color. Not quite as much drama though. At least it's within reach price-wise. It doesn't have all the delicious, fluffy ruffle, though. Like seriously. I'm swooning over that 2 thousand dollar dress. I like everything about it better, including the shade of pink. I can just see it with a wavy, piecey updo in my dark hair, minimal accessories like maybe just one bracelet, false lashes, and metallic shoes.

BCBG Max Azria dress, $99.00

Have you seen similar that doesn't cost a month's pay? If so, hook a gal up. Otherwise, we can just moon over pretty dresses together. What's your fantasy party dress? How would you style it?