No music this Monday. I wrote this thing, and against my usual instinct that I developed, which is to keep the deepest parts of me out of the eyes of strangers whenever I can, I wanted to actually share it. I used to be so open, and now it's so hard to get me to share more than the superficial. Maybe it's just that, before, I was nothing but superficial.
Nothing is perfect,
Nothing is finished,
And nothing lasts.
That’s why it’s beautiful,
Heart-hurt of remembering
Your fingers tangled in my hair,
Your lips on my shoulder,
For fear of breaking the way the air crackled
And living tears hovered in hundreds of eyes
As we finished the song,
“I’m not sorry I met you,
I’m not sorry it’s over,
I’m not sorry there’s nothing to save…”
The quiet completeness of moments,
Trying hard to press into my memory
The way your eyes move under their lids
While you dream in the almost-dawn.
I try to remember these things,
Just as hard as I try to forget how much I don’t want you to go.
It’s easy to wish we could stay here
Wrapped up like a cocoon
In cool, green, flowing lines.
But to never hatch,
To never fly,
To hold you here would be the height of cruelty.
And I’ll lay my scarred, shy body
Naked beneath your gaze a hundred times,
But I’d die before I let you see these words:
You only need to ask, and I would follow you
To the coldest, harshest corners of the world,
And the fact that you would never
Just lodges you deeper in my chest.
And however long before the cocoon breaks,
It will be too soon.
I hope the blue in the atmosphere you touch
Warms you, teaches you, satisfies you,
And brings you loves far greater than mine.
I hope you treat well
The chunks of me that you will keep
When we reach our separate paths.
(c) 2012 Leah Barr (except the lyrics to "Your Ex Lover is Dead" by Stars (c) 2005)